Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions!
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month we’re writing about how we want to parent differently — or the same — in the New Year. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
A new baby.
A new year.
A new dedication to my children.
I’m not setting any resolutions this year, but I plan to make a more conscience effort to put my children first, to set aside or put off what I want to do when they need or want me. That doesn’t mean I am going to neglect myself, but I will spend my “me time” when the kids are sleeping or occupying themselves in another room, not when they are trying to get my attention.
I’ve spent too long trying to do too many things at once. I might be browsing through blogs, nursing the baby and spelling a word for Grace, all while thinking about what we can have for lunch. I want to focus my attention fully on the task at hand, with the kid-related tasks getting priority.
I plan to spend more time reading, playing games, doing puzzles, answering questions fully, snuggling, singing, dancing, tucking in and being silly.
And I want to be more consistent with our rules. It’s too easy now for the kids to convince me to let them do something “just this one time” because I’m too busy with something else to physically enforce a “no” answer or my mind is too occupied with something else to even realize what I’m saying “yes” or “no” to.
I’m hoping that these two things — spending more productive time with the kids and being more consistent — will reduce the need for discipline, especially with Connor. But I’m also reading “Time In: When Time-Out Doesn’t Work,” which advocates an approach intended to teach children what behaviors are appropriate and why, rather than punishing them for “bad” behavior.
** Update: Here is a post that does a great job explaining what I strive for in discipline. And here is my take on “Time In: When Time-Out Doesn’t Work.”
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(All the links should be active by noon on Jan. 12. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)
• To Yell or Not to Yell — The Adventures of Lactating Girl
• It Is All About Empathy: Nurturing a Toddler’s Compassion Potential — Baby Dust Diaries
• To my babies: this year… — BluebirdMama
• Mindfully Loving My Children — Breastfeeding Moms Unite!
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Resolutions — Code Name: Mama
• Imperfect Mother — Consider Eden
• Resolutions — Craphead (aka Mommy)
• FC Mom’s Parenting Resolutions 2010 — FC Mom
• What’s in a Resolution? — Happy Mothering
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions — Hobo Mama
• Natural Parenting Resolutions — Little Green Blog
• This year, I will mostly… — Look Left of the Pleiades
• Parenting Resolutions — The Mahogany Way
• I Resolve to Breastfeed In Public More Often — mama2mama tips
• Moving to Two Kids — Megna the Destroyer
• Use Love — Momopoly
• My parenting resolutions — Musings of a Milk Maker
• Talkin’ ’bout My Resolutions — Navelgazing
• Parenting Resolutions — One Starry Night
• Invitations, not resolutions — Raising My Boychick
• No more multitasking during kid time — The Recovering Procrastinator
• I need to slow down, smell those roses AND the poopy diapers — Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma
• Resolutely Parenting in 2010 — This Is Worthwhile
The Recovering Procrastinator 
January 12, 2010 at 2:13 am
Sounds like a great plan for the year – I think you’ll find both of these bring you the results you are after. We’re all guilty of not giving our fullest attention to our kids or saying yes for an easy life – so go you!
Good luck!
Mrs Green @littlegreenblog.com
January 12, 2010 at 9:01 am
Great ideas! I keep saying I’m going to be more fully present, its hard for me because I’m never just doing one thing. Even at work I have multiple projects running through my head. I’d love for you to blog about your tips for remaining focused or avoiding distractions as you travel this road!
January 12, 2010 at 9:19 am
Sounds like a step in the right direction. Perhaps is will help you with your previous blog posting of Crafting Your Life. Perhaps right now your position in life is to be a parent first and all of the other things you listed fall after that.
January 12, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Sounds like a great plan!!
I’ve read “Time-In” it’s a wonderful book.
Helped me a lot too.
((hugs)) to you.
January 12, 2010 at 4:03 pm
I’ve never read the time-in book, but it has to be a better concept than time-outs!
Have you ever read Playful Parenting (Cohen) or Unconditional Parenting (Kohn)? Both are great resources for alternatives to time-outs.
January 12, 2010 at 4:32 pm
I’ve been using some of the principles on my 3yo and it’s very hard! But it’s been a good mind-shift for me. Thanks for the tip on those other books. I’ll check them out.
January 12, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Multitasking during kid time is a problem for me too. That is a great idea to focus on one issue at a time whether it is lunch or what my kid did today at school.
Great post!
January 12, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Sounds good to me. This is all the stuff I need to work on too!
January 13, 2010 at 12:46 pm
I find time-ins incredibly helpful. I haven’t read the book but I first heard of them in Mothering mag.
I also need to work on being more consistent and of not multi-tasking so much. It really is hard not to get swept up in the push to get things done AND sneak time for myself.
Best wishes for this year.
January 13, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Great resolutions! And thanks for the book recommendation. I’m always looking for a good parenting book and that one sounds great. Have you read “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen”?
January 13, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Wow we are all some busy-brained, multi-tasking mamas!
So many of us want to be more present with the kids. I think it speaks to a) the demanding nature of parenting b) our way too high expectations of what we can get done each day and… well I can’t think of a c), other than it must be human nature to do what we are all doing- which is trying to do housework and/or blog while being with the kids.
January 13, 2010 at 3:44 pm
I really like this! I’m always trying to multi-task instead of concentrating on playing and connecting with my son (or husband, too, actually), and it’s usually bloggy things that distract me.
In fact, I have to cut this comment off now because my son’s just brought me some crackers to eat. 🙂
Thanks for the link to read! Later, when I have undistracted time!
January 13, 2010 at 11:44 pm
I love the idea of being more consistent with the rules. We really need to do that in our house, too.
Have fun with the new year!
January 14, 2010 at 4:23 am
I think my multi-tasking problem is that I’m just not truly capable of it, and really, I’m not in the moment, just thinking about the next thing.
I’ve also been exploring my own discipline philosophy of late and although it takes a real paradigm shift, Unconditional Parenting (Alfie Kohn) has been a real eye opener.
January 14, 2010 at 3:20 pm
I’m really blown away by how many mothers have this on their priority list. It definitely makes me feel less alone in my own struggles to focus, be present, and slow down.
Good luck this year! I look forward to reading more 🙂
January 14, 2010 at 7:52 pm
I, too, am trying to not wear too many hats at once. I don’t want to parent by the clock or to always be distracted. When it’s time for me to play with my children, let us play and take the phone off the hook and forget about the heaping pile of laundry. I’m a Type Aer, so this is a constant struggle for me. However, my to-do list can wait. I don’t want to miss out on these precious years with my little ones. Thanks for the reminder. God bless.
January 14, 2010 at 11:57 pm
I’ve also been easily distracted by other things while with the kids.
Lately, I’ve been working on being in the moment with them.
Best wishes this year!
January 15, 2010 at 6:53 am
Good luck, I too want to ‘Be Present’ for my family, truly present and attending to our needs and wants before those of the outside world. I too think this will help you with reducing the need for discipline as misbehaviour is so often in response to attention seeking, being tired or hungry (needs being met) or inappropriate exploration – which children are less likely to get away with when Mama is paying attention.
January 15, 2010 at 9:27 am
Thanks everyone for the great replies and book recommendations. I posted about what I’m taking away from the “Time In” book. And I’ll continue blogging about how this journey is going.