If you haven’t found the new blog yet, come on over to http://www.growwithgraces.com. Check out the “about” page to learn why I moved. The RSS feed is at http://feeds.feedburner.com/GrowWithGraces.

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have waxed poetic about how their parenting has inspired others, or how others have inspired them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

As you might remember, I sold my husband on the merits of cloth-diapers and bed-sharing. Now I want to sell him on gentle discipline. But it’s a lot more complicated and less cut-and-dried and more emotional than either of those.

Gentle discipline is the part of natural parenting I find most difficult but it may be the most important. Gentle or positive discipline is non-violent, solution-focused, respectful and based on child development principles. It’s challenging but can also be joyful.

I want to get better at gentle discipline to improve my relationship with my children and also to model it for my husband, Mark, so he can adopt it and improve his relationship with them. I want us to work as a team to raise children who are able to make good choices and understand why they are making them rather than because someone punished them for doing the opposite. There are many times when he says or does something discipline-wise that I do not agree with. But I don’t say anything because I think contradicting a co-parent in front of a child is even worse than anything he might be saying or doing.

Early this year we had been working on the Time-In method of discipline. It didn’t really stick. We had in the past tried 1-2-3 Magic but also didn’t follow through with it. I was focusing too much on the rules and techniques instead of on the logic and reasons for the rules. Just like when we tell a child, “Stop pouting,” we are focusing on the rule instead of on the reasons behind it. So if I, as an adult, can’t stick with this type of program, how can I expect a 5- or 3-year-old to respond to rules without reason?

I’m not saying I never lose my temper with the kids, and if you follow me on twitter, you probably know I get frustrated with them nearly every day. But I have been trying lately to understand why they are doing or saying what they are. I have been trying to find the root of their misbehavior rather than just yelling “knock it off!”

I want to be able to show my husband how well this method works so he never again needs to say, “I don’t care what you want right now. I am so tired of ‘I want I want I want,’” like he did as I was typing this post and Grace was saying she wanted to sleep in our bed instead of hers.

He’ll never again whine back at Grace so she can “hear what she sounds like.”

He’ll never again say, “Connor! What is the matter with you?”

He’ll never again say, “No, you are not hungry. You just ate.”

I know he won’t take the time to read all the blog posts I’ve read about this subject or read Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, as I want to. So I need to become a gentle discipline expert so I can model it and make a happier, calmer, more loving household for all of us.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Woman Seeking Inspiration — Seeking Mother’s struggles and joys to find her own path in motherhood have inspired others — to her surprise! (@seekingmother )
• Paving the Way — Jessica at This is Worthwhile makes a conscious effort every day to be a role model. (@tisworthwhile )
• No Rules Without Reason — The Recovering Procrastinator wants to inspire her husband to discipline their children gently. (@jenwestpfahl)
• Creating a Culture of Positive Parenting Role Models — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shows parents at the playground how to do a front wrap cross carry and tells nurses about her successful home births, as a way of modeling natural parenting in public. (@TheParentVortex)
• Making A Difference for Mamas — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest took an embarrassing pumping incident at work and turned it into an opportunity for all the employees who breastfeed.
• Inspiring Snowflakes — Joni Rae at Tales of Kitchen Witch Momma is a role model for the most important people: her children. (@kitchenwitch)
• Paying it Forward — Amber at Strocel.com inspires new (and often scared) mamas with these simple words: “It will be OK.” (@AmberStrocel)
• A SAHD’s View on Parenting Role Models — Chris at Stay At Home Dad in Lansing doesn’t have many role models as a SAHD — but hopes to be one to his daughter. (@tessasdad)
• Am I a Role Model? A Review — Deb at Science@home brings attachment parenting out of the baby age and shows how it applies (with science fun!) to parenting through all of childhood. (@ScienceMum)
• Say Something Good — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick reminds women that it is within our right to be proud of ourselves without apology. (@RaisingBoychick)
• Try, Try Again — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis wants to inspire like the Little Engine that Could.
• I’m a Parenting Inspiration, Who Knew? — Sarah at OneStarryNight has received several beautiful comments about just what an inspiration she has been, if not in real life then definitely online. (@starrymom)
• That Little Thing — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing demonstrates the ripple effect, one status update at a time. (@BlkWmnDoBF)
• How Has Your Day Been? — mrs green @ littlegreenblog inspired her friend to be an active listener for her children. (@myzerowaste)
• No, Thank You! — If you are reading Maman A Droit’s post, you’ve probably inspired her. (@MamanADroit)
• My Top 3 Natural Parenting Principles — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now describes how her family’s natural and Montessori principles inspired others. (@DebChitwood)
• My Hope for a Better Life — Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children hopes her choices inspire her children toward a better life.
• Natural Parenting Felt Natural — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes didn’t plan on natural parenting — but her son led her there. (@sheryljesin)

• Rest. Is it even possible? — Janet at where birth and feminism intersect has found that even role models need rest — and that there are ways to fit it into everyday parenting life. (@feministbirther)
• May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model — Lauren at Hobo Mama was the fortunate recipient of a seed of inspiration, and has been privileged to plant some of those seeds herself, though she didn’t know it at the time. (@Hobo_Mama)
• crunchspiration — the grumbles at grumbles and grunts wants to inspire others to parent from their heart. (@thegrumbles)
• No Extra Inspiration Required — Zoey at Good Goog doesn’t think she inspires anyone and wasn’t inspired by anyone in return — except by her daughter. (@zoeyspeak)
• Upstream Parenting — Luschka at Diary of a First Child blogs for that one mother in one hundred who will find her words helpful. (@diaryfirstchild)
• Parenting Advice for the Girl from Outer Space — If Mommy Soup at Cream of Mommy Soup could give one piece of inspirational advice to new parents, it would be to parent with kindness. (@MommySoup)
• Natural Parenting Carnival — Role Model — Sarah at Consider Eden feels the pressure at trying — and failing — to live up to her role models. (@ConsiderEden)
• May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role Model — Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages natural parenting mamas to take joy in the fact that they are touching lives and making a difference to children every day. (@CodeNameMama)
• Inspiration Goes Both Ways — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is flustered that people consider her a breastfeeding role model — but the lovely comments she’s received prove it’s so. (@bfmom)
• My Seven — Danielle at born.in.japan has identified seven role models in her life who brought her to natural parenting. Who are your seven? (@borninjp)
• A Quiet Example — Alison at BluebirdMama was one of the first parents in her group of friends — and has come to see almost all those friends follow in her natural birthing footsteps, whether intentionally or not.
• Gentle Discipline Warrior — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has inspired a gentle discipline movement — join her! (@babydust)
• Change The World… One Parent At A Time — Mamapoekie is more comfortable inspiring parents online than she is in real life. (@mamapoekie)
• Inspirational Parenting — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has intentionally tried to be a role model but was unprepared for how soon someone would take notice. (@pchanner)
• My Inspiration — Erin at A Beatnik’s Beat on Life has written thank-you letters to everyone who’s inspired her to become the lactivist and natural parenting advocate she is today. (@babybeatnik)

I had a scrumptious chocolate croissant at Urban Bean Coffee in Minneapolis this morning.

It’s not snowing. Yet. *ahem*

I played Pretty Pretty Princess with my little boy yesterday.

A bunch of my blog friends and a bunch my “AQ sisters,” who I met online when pregnant with Grace, decided just a week apart to do the Couch to 5K program. It’s a nine-week program in which you gradually run/jog more and walk less.

I completed the first week (three 20-minute workouts) on Saturday.

I am proud not only that I did the whole week but that I was so motivated to do it that I packed running shoes and clothes and went out for the third workout on the morning of my brother-in-law’s wedding.

You can download a file of music with a voiceover telling you when to switch between walking and running. I haven’t figured that part out yet, as I am mp3 illiterate so I have just been carrying my phone and timing it with the clock. It’s not a super accurate way to do it, so this week’s goal is to figure out how to get the file onto my phone or Grace’s mp3 player (if I can find it.)

Wednesday was a rough day. I don’t know why, it just was.

By mid-afternoon, I was sitting surrounded by mess, overwhelmed with where to begin, frustrated with a computer problem and nearly in tears. I was about to send out a distress call on twitter. But before I could hit the enter key, there was a knock on the door.

Crap. It was Judy, the Jehovah’s Witness who keeps showing up at my door because she took my politeness for interest the first time she came.

At that point, though, I was willing to talk to anyone. Yeah, I need to get out more. So I let her in, rather than keeping her standing at the door like I had in the past.

And we talked about prayer (again), and it calmed me down. I realized there was no reason to be overwhelmed. I didn’t needed to seek solace from my tweeps, I just needed to ask the Lord for strength.

The rest of the day passed peacefully.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
– Matthew 7:7-8

(Photo by OliBac)

So each Thursday, I’ll post what I’m thankful for and you can leave what you are thankful for in the comments, as a link in the comments, in response to this post on facebook or on twitter with the hashtag #thursthanks. I’ll work up a cute little button to put on your blog posts if you participate that way. But that’ll have to wait a bit as I want to get this posted before Thursday fades away.

I am thankful that:

• I stepped away from a stressful situation with Grace today and apologized.
• I took the time to hold Ellie through an entire nap today. It was calming for me, and she got a longer-than-usual nap.
• I have someone willing to drive Grace to and from school most days.

Here are my past Thankful Thursday posts.

Watching Food Inc. on PBS. The sick and dead chickens – wow. just wow.

I didn’t know farmed fish are fed corn.

RT @gammasworld: Sounds like the chicken “farmers” are modern-day share croppers — never owning a damn thing for owing the big companies.

RT @ezweber: Instead of going vegan you should support farmer who farm in a way in line with your values.

RT @Rosemont_Farm: I can’t understand why farmers get their panties in a bunch over #foodinc – it’s going after big processors & unsafe practices not you.

RT @dushom: There is more than one side to an argument, #FoodInc may reveal some issues to fix, but no solutions to feeding the world.

RT @SouthShoreTwit: #foodinc is disheartening. Like banking, the executives become the regulators, and the lobbyists write the legislation. We are the suckers.

Read through an ag response to #foodinc. I feel like the truth lies in the middle. http://bit.ly/9YuUsE

The organic/small vs conventional/large farming debate has interested me since I worked at an ag newspaper. Still undecided. #agonfoodinc

agreed RT @BeginningFarmer: divisiveness will not help to make the food system or farmers lives better, we need understandin

@mrobin032009 I’m with you on less processed stuff. Wondering if grass-feed beef, cagefree eggs, etc. are truly better or if it’s a myth

She calls it the “Drifting Along” method of procrastination. Because home is less structured, without deadlines or a set schedule, I drift along all day, all week, all month without getting much done.

I’ve tried many tactics to combat this without having much success. But let’s give it another go. Here is the daily schedule I am aiming for. Once I get a daily planner, I will not write to-do lists. Rather I will schedule each to-do item in the appropriate time slot on a given day. This idea came from a man I met at the blogger volunteer event I did in January. He said he writes what he needs to do in his calendar and doesn’t worry about anything not written on a future day until that day comes.

The plan:

8 a.m. – Get up, brush teeth, go to living room, open blinds/windows
8:15 a.m. – Stretch, drink a glass of water.
8:30 a.m. – Make breakfast. Eat it with the kids.
9 a.m. – Dress kids and send them out to play. Dress self and Ellie.
9:30 a.m. — Do laundry and dishes.
10 a.m. – Check email/facebook.
10:30 a.m. – Read to kids while they eat snack.
11 a.m. – Do Heritage Makers work while kids do something creative at kitchen table.
Noon – Make, eat and clean up from lunch.
1 p.m. – Do blog work and check twitter.
2 p.m. – Do home paperwork.
2:30 p.m. – Eat snack and play with kids.
3:30 p.m. – Do housework
4:30 p.m. – Make, eat and cleanup dinner
6 p.m. – Have some me time/redeem rewards from tasks completed.
7 p.m. – Have some family time.
7:45 p.m. – Put kids to bed.

* More to come later on this book, which I have enjoyed so far. I need to finish the last couple of chapters because it is now overdue to the library. Baby steps people.

Burn a copy of it (for only your own use of course) but leave off the previews and title menus and everything but the feature film. That way you pop it in and your movie starts immediately. No hitting menu or fast-forward or even play.

Bonus: If your kids scratch the living daylights out of the DVD or smear peanut butter on it or otherwise render it unplayable, you still have the original tucked safely away to make a new copy.

Thanks to a college friend for the idea and a twitter friend for a tweet that reminded me to share it with you all.

To those who said I’m probably better off not working there: I happen to know this is a good place to work and really values a work-life balance. And I don’t think they were put off by me being a mother. However, the person I suspect being behind this (not the HR person, as Nik mentioned) is likely not someone I would want to work with. So yes, maybe this was a blessing in disguise. Actually, I think it may have given me the last push I need to pursue something that has been rambling around my head for a while. I’m not ready to talk about it here though.

But this is an issue bigger than me. Questions for jobseekers to consider:

• Is it fair for a company to use your online persona against you?
• Is the fairness of it irrelevant because we deal in reality not in an ideal world?
• In this job market, should jobseekers sanitize their online presence or go underground for awhile? Or should we stay true to who we are with the knowledge that it might disqualify us for some jobs but perhaps make us more attractive to companies where the decision-makers “get it”?

I DO think it is fair for companies to take online personas into consideration when hiring BUT they should thoroughly investigate and understand that persona, not make a judgment after looking at a blog homepage for five minutes. They should also understand, as Missy said, that “online depictions of our personalities are often self-effacing” or focus on just one facet of our personalities.

And even if I thought this was an unfair practice, the fact is that it happens. It was interesting to see the HR/Recruiter types say this didn’t surprise them one bit, even though they think it’s wrong. I wonder now if I lost out on other opportunities because of my blog but this was the first time someone had the courtesy to tell me the truth. (Or tell me anything at all, but that’s a whole other issue.)

So knowing that this is the reality in this job market, will I make my blog private? No.

Will I change the name? Maybe, especially since it doesn’t match the content of my blog as closely as I had thought it would in the beginning.

Will I pretend to be something I’m not and avoid mention of anything that paints me as less than perfect? No way. I am human, not a robot. And I don’t want to work for anyone who does not understand that.

So other jobseekers, what are your thoughts? How do you handle your online presence while jobseeking?