No rules without reason

Welcome to the May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have waxed poetic about how their parenting has inspired others, or how others have inspired them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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As you might remember, I sold my husband on the merits of cloth-diapers and bed-sharing. Now I want to sell him on gentle discipline. But it’s a lot more complicated and less cut-and-dried and more emotional than either of those.

Gentle discipline is the part of natural parenting I find most difficult but it may be the most important. Gentle or positive discipline is non-violent, solution-focused, respectful and based on child development principles. It’s challenging but can also be joyful.

I want to get better at gentle discipline to improve my relationship with my children and also to model it for my husband, Mark, so he can adopt it and improve his relationship with them. I want us to work as a team to raise children who are able to make good choices and understand why they are making them rather than because someone punished them for doing the opposite. There are many times when he says or does something discipline-wise that I do not agree with. But I don’t say anything because I think contradicting a co-parent in front of a child is even worse than anything he might be saying or doing.

Early this year we had been working on the Time-In method of discipline. It didn’t really stick. We had in the past tried 1-2-3 Magic but also didn’t follow through with it. I was focusing too much on the rules and techniques instead of on the logic and reasons for the rules. Just like when we tell a child, “Stop pouting,” we are focusing on the rule instead of on the reasons behind it. So if I, as an adult, can’t stick with this type of program, how can I expect a 5- or 3-year-old to respond to rules without reason?

I’m not saying I never lose my temper with the kids, and if you follow me on twitter, you probably know I get frustrated with them nearly every day. But I have been trying lately to understand why they are doing or saying what they are. I have been trying to find the root of their misbehavior rather than just yelling “knock it off!”

I want to be able to show my husband how well this method works so he never again needs to say, “I don’t care what you want right now. I am so tired of ‘I want I want I want,’” like he did as I was typing this post and Grace was saying she wanted to sleep in our bed instead of hers.

He’ll never again whine back at Grace so she can “hear what she sounds like.”

He’ll never again say, “Connor! What is the matter with you?”

He’ll never again say, “No, you are not hungry. You just ate.”

I know he won’t take the time to read all the blog posts I’ve read about this subject or read Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, as I want to. So I need to become a gentle discipline expert so I can model it and make a happier, calmer, more loving household for all of us.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Woman Seeking Inspiration — Seeking Mother’s struggles and joys to find her own path in motherhood have inspired others — to her surprise! (@seekingmother )
• Paving the Way — Jessica at This is Worthwhile makes a conscious effort every day to be a role model. (@tisworthwhile )
• No Rules Without Reason — The Recovering Procrastinator wants to inspire her husband to discipline their children gently. (@jenwestpfahl)
• Creating a Culture of Positive Parenting Role Models — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shows parents at the playground how to do a front wrap cross carry and tells nurses about her successful home births, as a way of modeling natural parenting in public. (@TheParentVortex)
• Making A Difference for Mamas — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest took an embarrassing pumping incident at work and turned it into an opportunity for all the employees who breastfeed.
• Inspiring Snowflakes — Joni Rae at Tales of Kitchen Witch Momma is a role model for the most important people: her children. (@kitchenwitch)
• Paying it Forward — Amber at Strocel.com inspires new (and often scared) mamas with these simple words: “It will be OK.” (@AmberStrocel)
• A SAHD’s View on Parenting Role Models — Chris at Stay At Home Dad in Lansing doesn’t have many role models as a SAHD — but hopes to be one to his daughter. (@tessasdad)
• Am I a Role Model? A Review — Deb at Science@home brings attachment parenting out of the baby age and shows how it applies (with science fun!) to parenting through all of childhood. (@ScienceMum)
• Say Something Good — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick reminds women that it is within our right to be proud of ourselves without apology. (@RaisingBoychick)
• Try, Try Again — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis wants to inspire like the Little Engine that Could.
• I’m a Parenting Inspiration, Who Knew? — Sarah at OneStarryNight has received several beautiful comments about just what an inspiration she has been, if not in real life then definitely online. (@starrymom)
• That Little Thing — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing demonstrates the ripple effect, one status update at a time. (@BlkWmnDoBF)
• How Has Your Day Been? — mrs green @ littlegreenblog inspired her friend to be an active listener for her children. (@myzerowaste)
• No, Thank You! — If you are reading Maman A Droit’s post, you’ve probably inspired her. (@MamanADroit)
• My Top 3 Natural Parenting Principles — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now describes how her family’s natural and Montessori principles inspired others. (@DebChitwood)
• My Hope for a Better Life — Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children hopes her choices inspire her children toward a better life.
• Natural Parenting Felt Natural — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes didn’t plan on natural parenting — but her son led her there. (@sheryljesin)

• Rest. Is it even possible? — Janet at where birth and feminism intersect has found that even role models need rest — and that there are ways to fit it into everyday parenting life. (@feministbirther)
• May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model — Lauren at Hobo Mama was the fortunate recipient of a seed of inspiration, and has been privileged to plant some of those seeds herself, though she didn’t know it at the time. (@Hobo_Mama)
• crunchspiration — the grumbles at grumbles and grunts wants to inspire others to parent from their heart. (@thegrumbles)
• No Extra Inspiration Required — Zoey at Good Goog doesn’t think she inspires anyone and wasn’t inspired by anyone in return — except by her daughter. (@zoeyspeak)
• Upstream Parenting — Luschka at Diary of a First Child blogs for that one mother in one hundred who will find her words helpful. (@diaryfirstchild)
• Parenting Advice for the Girl from Outer Space — If Mommy Soup at Cream of Mommy Soup could give one piece of inspirational advice to new parents, it would be to parent with kindness. (@MommySoup)
• Natural Parenting Carnival — Role Model — Sarah at Consider Eden feels the pressure at trying — and failing — to live up to her role models. (@ConsiderEden)
• May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role Model — Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages natural parenting mamas to take joy in the fact that they are touching lives and making a difference to children every day. (@CodeNameMama)
• Inspiration Goes Both Ways — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is flustered that people consider her a breastfeeding role model — but the lovely comments she’s received prove it’s so. (@bfmom)
• My Seven — Danielle at born.in.japan has identified seven role models in her life who brought her to natural parenting. Who are your seven? (@borninjp)
• A Quiet Example — Alison at BluebirdMama was one of the first parents in her group of friends — and has come to see almost all those friends follow in her natural birthing footsteps, whether intentionally or not.
• Gentle Discipline Warrior — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has inspired a gentle discipline movement — join her! (@babydust)
• Change The World… One Parent At A Time — Mamapoekie is more comfortable inspiring parents online than she is in real life. (@mamapoekie)
• Inspirational Parenting — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has intentionally tried to be a role model but was unprepared for how soon someone would take notice. (@pchanner)
• My Inspiration — Erin at A Beatnik’s Beat on Life has written thank-you letters to everyone who’s inspired her to become the lactivist and natural parenting advocate she is today. (@babybeatnik)

 

My first bottle snob – what to do?

The last few times Mark has taken care of Ellie while I’m gone, she has refused to take a bottle. I had thought maybe she just wasn’t really hungry. Maybe she was crying because she was tired and Mark interpreted it as hunger

She has taken a bottle for a couple of sitters without a problem.

But the other day, I ran to the store. Mark called saying she wouldn’t stop crying and wouldn’t take a bottle of breastmilk so he tried a bottle of formula and she wouldn’t take that either. I came home and she latched on and drank like no tomorrow.

So what gives? Why will she take a bottle for a sitter but not the exact same kind of bottle for Mark? Any ideas of ways to get her to take one?

The other two kids were drinking breastmilk from bottles regularly while I was working starting at 6 weeks and never refused one. Ellie only gets a bottle maybe once or twice a week. She is 3.5 months old.

 

Accept help. Then ask for help.

It takes a village.

Say what you will about Hillary Clinton, she is right about this. It does take a village to raise a child. I think a large flaw in today’s society is the fact that we don’t raise children this way. Parents are largely left on their own to sink or swim, making life harder for them and their children and by extension, the whole society.

Many of us, me included, are fortunate to have helpful families and/or friends but some are not. And even us fortunate ones struggle to ask for or accept help, even if we know people who are willing to give it. I wish we could get to a point in society where we don’t have to ask for help. Where the village mentality is a given. You just jump in and do for each other what needs doing.

To get to that point, we of course need to let go of selfish tendancies and be willing to GIVE what others need. But even harder than that is to let go of pride and be willing to ACCEPT what we need.

This weekend, my two college roommates spend 24 hours with us. Us girls spent the day chatting while Mark went out to buy a mattress for Grace (she gave hers up to Connor when he got a new bed). Then Mark and I went on a date (Cork’s Irish Pub in St. Paul and candlelight skiing at Lebanon Hills in Eagan) while the girls, along with my sister, babysat. And as if that wasn’t wonderful enough, Gillian did laundry, helped Grace clean her room, washed the kitchen floor and some mirrors and windows. Mandy held the baby. It’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it.

Alison and a freshly bathed Ellie

On Sunday, my best friend from high school came over with her husband and three kids to visit, eat pizza and watch half the Superbowl. After we ate, she cleared the table, opened our dishwasher and started loading it, yelled at Mark when he got up to try to help, then handwashed what can’t go in the dishwasher. Her husband joked that she should save some of that ambition for their own house. Later, she gave Ellie a bath and lotioned her up.

I had no problem accepting help from these three as they are practically family to me. I also have no problem accepting help from my parents and sister and a close friend who makes a point to see me every week. But it is sometimes hard to ask for the help. I hate that I’m unable to fix anything in our house or cars and have to always be asking my dad for help. I know he’s glad to help (provided I thank him enough) but it’s still hard to ask.

Even harder is asking for help from people I don’t know as well. But as the kids get older and involved in more things, I think I’m going to need to learn to do this. Grace has a classmate whose mom has been very helpful to me since Ellie’s birth. She takes Grace to school or picks her up from school once a week. She babysat all three kids for a morning last week. I would love for her to take Grace to and from school every day but I feel that I can’t ask her to because I can’t reciprocate. She has two kids at Grace’s school and I can’t fit both of them in my car so giving rides to/from school is out. I could offer to babysit so she can run errands, etc., during the day but I doubt she needs that as she is already alone 5 hours a week during preschool.

I know it wasn’t long ago that she was in my place, with a baby and two older children and that she probably needed the help. And it won’t be terribly long before my kids are all in school and I’ll be able to offer help to someone. There is a season for everything and I guess I just need to accept that this is my season to accept help and (with some courage from Above) ask for it.

 

Natural parenting converts

Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing about how a co-parent has or has not supported us in our dedication to natural parenting. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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We’ve been doing a lot of things differently with the third baby. I don’t know if it’s because I am home full time or because I’m more confident in my parenting skills or because I know more about Natural Parenting now than I did five, or even three, years ago. Probably a combination of these, plus my new dedication to putting my kids before all else.

At first, my husband was skeptical of some of the “new” approaches (which are in actuality very old). But I wasn’t giving in and insisted we at least try cloth diapers, bedsharing and (for the older two) the Time-In method. Once he saw how easy and effective they all were, he was sold.

He was most skeptical about the diapers. But I was no more interested in folding and pinning than he was, so I forked out the big bucks for one-size all-in-ones. These things are awesome. Not only are they just like disposables as far as ease of use, but they grow with the baby. Serieses of snaps make them adjust to fit teeny weenies like our Ellie all the way through potty-trainers. I haven’t tried using them on Connor because we just don’t have enough of them for it to be worth it but, in theory, I could. Ellie even wears them at night with no leakage. Once Mark saw how easy this was — that they weren‘t “George of the Jungle loincloths — he made no complaint about using them. He says he’s still questions whether all the water used to wash them makes them less green and economical. I’ve told him it is, but he’s not quite sold. As long as he uses them, I don’t really care if he is.

One-size cloth diapers

I decided to have Ellie in our bed after reading an issue of Mothering that was devoted almost solely to bedsharing and co-sleeping. The arguments for it made sense to me. After our bedtime issues with Grace, the one I was most interested in was that bedsharing makes sleep/bed more appealing to babies so it’s not a scary thing/place and once it’s time to sleep alone, they’ll do so without fuss. It took Mark a few weeks to adjust to it. He said he couldn’t sleep well because he was worried about rolling over onto her and because her grunts and rooting noises woke him up. I just asked him what he thinks of it now after two months of part-time bedsharing, funny enough, he says it allows him to sleep MORE because if she cries, it takes me only seconds to calm her. He still is a bit nervous about harm somehow coming to her, especially because he doesn’t always know when she’s in our bed because she often starts the night in her bassinet and comes to bed at the first feeding.

He wasn’t skeptical about the Time-In method so much as he wasn’t sure we’d stick to it. But we’ve really made an effort to do so. We both find times that it just doesn’t work and the kids are defiant and we do need to use a time-out. But I’ve see many times were Mark starts saying something and then amends it to conform to the Act/Ask/Attend/Amend tools.

On a side note, while talking to Mark about this blog post, he said that these days, I treat him as a co-parent and less as another dependent. I’m not sure what to make of that. Maybe he has just finally grown up. *wink*

If you want to know more about what Natural Parenting entails, check out the explanation at the bottom of this post. If you have questions about our thoughts on any other Natural Parenting principles/practices, feel free to ask in the comments or by e-mail to therecoveringprocrastinator@gmail.com.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated Feb. 9 with all the carnival links, and all links should be active by noon EST. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)

• A Thank You to my Husband — Lactating Girl at The Adventures of Lactating Girl thanks her husband for keeping her grounded and giving her unwavering support in the face of discouragement from within and without. (@lactatinggirl)
• My Reverse Traditional Husband In the Wild — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries gives us a lesson on how dads in the wild parent their young. Can you guess which male animal actually nurses its young? (@babydust)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting — TopHat at The Bee in Your Bonnet tells us how the patience of a partner can make a difficult breastfeeding relationship succeed. (@TopHat8855)
• Parenting Together — For Alison at BluebirdMama and her husband, parenting is simply an extension of the way they live. (@childbearing)
• If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Co-Parents — Dionna at Code Name: Mama has written a letter to her husband, thanking him for his incredible support in every aspect of their natural parenting journey. (@CodeNameMama)
• Natural Parenting Fathers — Sarah at Natural Parenting is balancing being all there for her son with being present for her husband. (@considereden)
• Just Wonderful: Love and Partners and Natural Parenting — Zoey at Good Goog let her husband lead her to babywearing and cosleeping. (@zoeyspeak)
• All that stuff I don’t get comes so easy to him — The Grumbles is taking this opportunity to say thank you to her husband for his mad parenting skills. (@thegrumbles)
• The Power of Having a Supportive Co-Parent — Chrystal at Happy Mothering and her husband started with vaccinations and moved on from there. (@HappyMothering)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners — Lauren at Hobo Mama makes do with babbling incoherently about how her husband practices natural parenting in such an effortless fashion, with bonus video. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Love and Partners — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog shares her husband’s moving account of her birth story, and his testament to the power of a woman. (@myzerowaste)
• labor support… — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children is thankful that her partner has provided her immeasurable labor support through each of their last three unassisted homebirths (and will again for their upcoming fourth!).
• What co-parent? On prams, routines, ideals, sickness, and finding my way alone. — Ruth at Look Left of the Pleiades describes life without a present co-parent: making new choices and taking care of things herself. (@brightravenmum)
• Parenting With Support — How many people can say that their husband talked them into cloth diapering? Darcel at The Mahogany Way can! (@MahoganyWayMama)
• Co-Parenting Support — Summer at Mama2Mama Tips knows the importance of being supported in the face of criticism. (@mama2mamatips)
• Natural Parenting Carnival: Love and Partners — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has been blessed with an incredibly involved partner. Her husband loves to take part in every aspect of parenting! (@pchanner)
• Daddy’s Little Girls — Kate Wicker at Momopoly finds her husband right at home in a tangle of girls. (@Momopoly)
• How do I love my parenting partner? Let me count the ways. — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker is thankful that she and her partner co-parent fluidly and gracefully. (@mamamilkers)
• Interview with a Daddy — NavelgazingBajan brings us a highly amusing peek into her husband’s perspective.
• Being Supported in Natural Parenting — Sarah at OneStarryNight has witnessed both ends of the parenting spectrum, and is grateful she found a father who is comfortable with natural parenting. (@starrymom)
• Moments in time: a love letter — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick will make you cry with the beautiful way she describes the complete relationship between father and child. (@RaisingBoychick)
• Natural parenting converts — Jen at Recovering Procrastinator brought her reluctant husband around to cloth diapers, bed sharing, and time-ins as a discipline method. (@jenwestpfahl)
• Breastfeeding Father — Amber Strocel at Strocel.com describes how her husband helped her overcome the breastfeeding challenges she encountered with her premature daughter. (@AmberStrocel)
• A Natural Parenting Village — Acacia from Art, Body & Soul, in a guest post for Jamie at Suddenly Stay at Home, broadens the term “coparents” to embrace supportive extended family on both sides. (@SuddnlyStyAtHme)
• A Natural Dad — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest doesn’t have a husband who merely supports her — she has a husband just as dedicated to natural parenting as she is.
• Love and Support From My (sometimes pantsless) Man — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma describes life with the sometimes bumbling but always lovable Pantsless Man. (@kitchenwitch)
• G-O-T-E-A-M! — Jessica at This Is Worthwhile made sure her future husband agreed with her parenting choices early in their dating. (@tisworthwhile)
• how we come to parenthood — Michelle at womanseekingmother dances with her husband around the subject of cosleeping. (@seekingmother)

 

Time for “Time-In”

I finished reading Time-In: When Time-Out Doesn’t Work, and I want to share what I found to be the important points for our family.

Here is the premise: “Time-In is a practical process that teaches children how to be competent, to think, and to succeed. It uses four tools, Ask, Act, Attend, and Amend, which fit together like interchangeable puzzle pieces. Time-In addresses discipline and misbehavior while strengthening the connection the child has with the parent or teacher.” The four basic steps are:

1. Stop the unwanted behavior
2. Ask yourself, “What does the child need to learn about this?”
3. Use one or more of the four tools (Ask, Act, Attend, and Amen) to help them learn the appropriate lesson
4. Notice the tools the child responds most to and continue using them, rather than using the tools you would respond to

The Ask piece was the most interesting to me. It tells us to ask a child about their behavior rather than telling them that what they did was good/bad/rude/whathaveyou. For example, tonight Grace took her dress off in the living room and left it on the floor. Before, I might have said “Grace, don’t leave your dress on the floor” or “Please put your dress in the hamper” and I may or may not have gotten any reaction. (Or if it was a bad day, I might have said “I’m sick of you guys leaving your stuff all over the place.”) Tonight I said, “Grace, what is this?” and pointed to it. She opened her mouth in that light-bulb-goes-on expression and picked it up and put it in the hamper. I took it a step further, saying “Where were you supposed to take it off?” She said “ohhh, riiight, in my room.”

It also says to ask about positive behavior, like “do you know why I like when you eat your vegetables?” and let them think about it and have a discussion about why that is a good thing, rather than just saying “I’m glad you ate all your vegetables.”

The next one was only a small point in the book but it’s something I’ve been conscious of and working on for awhile: Not adding “okay” to the end of statements, thereby asking a child’s permission when giving instructions or responding to requests. For example, say “I’ll get your milk in a minute. Please wait.” instead of “I’ll get your milk in a minute, okay?”

Another language point teaches delayed gratification and avoids negativity: Use words like “if/when/after” instead of “not now” if the child asks for something they can’t have/do until a later time.

Another small point that hit me was an example in which the kids had too many rules and were unable to keep track of them all. So we are going to create a list of maybe five rules to focus on and post them on the wall. Grace and I brainstormed today and she came up with lots of good ones. Too many! Once we narrow it down, I’ll post what we settle on.

 

No more multitasking during kid time

Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions!
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month we’re writing about how we want to parent differently — or the same — in the New Year. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

A new baby.
A new year.
A new dedication to my children.

I’m not setting any resolutions this year, but I plan to make a more conscience effort to put my children first, to set aside or put off what I want to do when they need or want me. That doesn’t mean I am going to neglect myself, but I will spend my “me time” when the kids are sleeping or occupying themselves in another room, not when they are trying to get my attention.

I’ve spent too long trying to do too many things at once. I might be browsing through blogs, nursing the baby and spelling a word for Grace, all while thinking about what we can have for lunch. I want to focus my attention fully on the task at hand, with the kid-related tasks getting priority.

I plan to spend more time reading, playing games, doing puzzles, answering questions fully, snuggling, singing, dancing, tucking in and being silly.

And I want to be more consistent with our rules. It’s too easy now for the kids to convince me to let them do something “just this one time” because I’m too busy with something else to physically enforce a “no” answer or my mind is too occupied with something else to even realize what I’m saying “yes” or “no” to.

I’m hoping that these two things — spending more productive time with the kids and being more consistent — will reduce the need for discipline, especially with Connor. But I’m also reading “Time In: When Time-Out Doesn’t Work,” which advocates an approach intended to teach children what behaviors are appropriate and why, rather than punishing them for “bad” behavior.

** Update: Here is a post that does a great job explaining what I strive for in discipline. And here is my take on “Time In: When Time-Out Doesn’t Work.”

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(All the links should be active by noon on Jan. 12. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)

• To Yell or Not to Yell — The Adventures of Lactating Girl
• It Is All About Empathy: Nurturing a Toddler’s Compassion Potential — Baby Dust Diaries
• To my babies: this year… — BluebirdMama
• Mindfully Loving My Children — Breastfeeding Moms Unite!
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Resolutions — Code Name: Mama
• Imperfect Mother — Consider Eden
• Resolutions — Craphead (aka Mommy)
• FC Mom’s Parenting Resolutions 2010 — FC Mom
• What’s in a Resolution? — Happy Mothering
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions — Hobo Mama
• Natural Parenting Resolutions — Little Green Blog
• This year, I will mostly… — Look Left of the Pleiades
• Parenting Resolutions — The Mahogany Way
• I Resolve to Breastfeed In Public More Often — mama2mama tips
• Moving to Two Kids — Megna the Destroyer
• Use Love — Momopoly
• My parenting resolutions — Musings of a Milk Maker
• Talkin’ ’bout My Resolutions — Navelgazing
• Parenting Resolutions — One Starry Night
• Invitations, not resolutions — Raising My Boychick
• No more multitasking during kid time — The Recovering Procrastinator
• I need to slow down, smell those roses AND the poopy diapers — Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma
• Resolutely Parenting in 2010 — This Is Worthwhile

 

Being a mom

Ginny at My Cup 2 Yours is asking a few questions about being a mom. So if you are a mom, head over and weigh in. And see what others say. My answers:

The best part about being a mom is…
watching kids grow, learn, play and interact and witnessing the little moments like when sister hugs brother and says “I love you little boy.”

The hardest thing about being a mom is…
Being patient and consistent — both when it comes to setting rules and when their needs/wants conflict with your own.

Being a mom today is…
“always never the same” to quote a song. Though the basics of each day are the same, often to the point of boredom, something unexpected (sometimes good, sometimes bad) usually happens too.

P.S. Most of the time it makes me want to do this:

P.S. I’m not ignoring Halloween but I’m not sure where Mark has the photos saved so that will be tomorrow’s post. The kids had a blast and did really great. I could hardly believe Connor is only 2.

 

NO you can NOT have more candy!

We went to a Halloween party at our church last Sunday and the kids had a blast. But they brought home a bunch of candy. And then Grace brought home some more candy from her school party.

We haven’t even trick-or-treated yet and the kids are begging for candy night and day. They are driving me crazy. I’m trying to ration it — one piece after each meal if they ate a decent amount of the meal. But what I really want to do is throw it all away (after saving the good stuff for myself!).

I love the costumes and scary fun of Halloween but could do without so much candy. Here are my ideas for things you could give out that aren’t candy. (We don’t get trick-or-treaters. If we did, I’d chose one of these options.)

My ideas for non-candy snacks:

Stickers or tattoos

Halloween trinkets like vampire teeth
Glow sticks

Balloons

Granola bars

Snack packs of crackers or chips

Have more ideas? Leave them in the comments.

Craving more Halloween blogginess? Check these out:

What kid taste-testers think of some popular candies.

How to make Halloween safe for kids with food allergies – your kids and trick-or-treaters

Some dentists who buy candy

Do you have a T-o-T post to share? Leave a link in the comments.

 

My day by the numbers

One moment near tears because of disobedient children.
One girl sad because swimming class filled before I got around to calling about it.
Two hours at library story/craft time.
Two hours at the playground.
Three homemade meals (more-or-less) that I had to try to convince #1 to eat and #2 to eat in one sitting instead of getting down to play between each bite.
Several books read.
Way too much time cleaning yogurt, pasta sauce and potato soup off the floor.
Eleven hours without speaking to another adult (except the lady I called about swim class.)

Pay = 0
Appreciation = 0

So, remind me: Why do some people CHOOSE to do this all day every day for years rather than getting a job? Most days — even fairly good ones like today — I don’t really get it.

 

{sigh}

Grace has been having a very hard time at nigth lately. We took away her “canopy” (it’s really just a sheet right now) a couple of weeks ago. She earned it back Monday night by having five nights in a row where she went to bed well and stayed in her bed all night.

It lasted 1.5 nights.

Tuesday night she was having a little trouble getting to bed. I told her she had to stay in bed until her CD was over. If she was still awake when it was done, she could come down and get a snuggle. She woke up at 4 and the music was off so she thought she could come to bed with me and she had a meltdown when I said no.

Maybe it was my fault for being unclear but I lost it. I am so worn out from being sick for so long and so worn out by her nightime antics. I just wanted to shake her. Hard. So I just left the room and hung out on facebook in the kitchen and let Mark take over.

I don’t know what he did but she settled down and came down and apologized and asked why I was downstairs (I wonder) and said goodnight and went back to bed.